When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
