On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize