I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
