i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize