I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
