its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
