Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
