literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
