ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
