sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
