I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
