I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
