sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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