I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
