I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
