forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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