Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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