i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
i think my cat just said my name.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
