I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
