I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
