You work out of a Hotel?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
