Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
