I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
