Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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