Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
