You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
