Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
