just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
