dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
