my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm passing your future prison.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
