I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
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