I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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