Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize