she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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