thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
