so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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