Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
