onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
