does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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