So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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