I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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