No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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