I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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