I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
