new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
