Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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