i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I came so hard my ears popped.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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