help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
