I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
