i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
