Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
