Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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