what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
