What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
