just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize