i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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