Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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