part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
