dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We talked him into tasing himself.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
