Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
