We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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