I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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