I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
