Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
