FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
