Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
