I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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