I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
