I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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